Redman was...interesting. So many feelings, ups and downs, and well, now it's over and I can move on.
The weeks leading up to this race have been strange. I have not felt like myself. I'd been moody and tired one day, and the next day happy and energetic. I think I summed it up best when I explained it to Liz as: two parts work stress, one part end-of-season fatigue, a pinch of hormonal imbalance, shake to mix and you get a walking mental case.
You know the saying, "he's just not that into you"? I was just not into this race. I even considered bagging it all together, and then, asking the RD if I could switch my registration from half to Oly...but I never acted on either.
Race morning I was a mess. I was a mix of nerves and calm. I'd be perfectly fine one minute and then freaking out the next.
It started raining about an hour before race start. It kept raining, and raining, and raining. No thunderstorms - just rain. So there we are, standing in the dark, in the cold, in the rain in our wetsuits, waiting for the sky to lighten and waiting for the race to start. They delayed it. People were wearing trash bags and race blankets to keep warm. The delay was due to reports of high water on the bike course - "impassable" and "6 inches of water" were thrown around. They considered a swim/run and I turned to my friend Casey and said, fine by me.
But then I thought of all the people who trained for the full ironman, and all the people who were excited to be doing their first half, and that sucked. How selfish of me.
In the end, they delayed the race an hour, but the race would go on as scheduled - with a little cyclocross action thrown in - there would be a mandatory dismount at mile 6 of the bike, where we would have to walk through mud and grass for about 100 feet.
So the swim starts and I try to put myself in a good position - on the inside front. Those women were WILD!!! Kicking and scratching and swimming over me and - that NEVER happens to me! I'm good about finding my way out of that type of mayhem. But it doesn't stop and I'm like, "that's it! I'm done! Where is the kayak? I'm outta here!" But I keep going and it got a little better - not much, but a little. The whole way back I'm thinking to myself, "I'm going to quit after I get out of the water. I don't care about this anymore!" I'm not even pushing - just swimming. Before I know it, I'm done and I look at my watch and it says 33:15!!! WHAT??? I wasn't even trying and I PR'd the swim!!! Okay, guess I better get on the bike because that swim rocked!
Official Swim Split: 33:44 (PR of 2:17)
Off on the bike and it's still raining. Not hard but just enough that it's messy and people are riding slower than usual. The course is narrow heading out of town and it's impossible not to ride in packs. People are doing a good job of riding safe, but we're all bunched up on top of each other. We get to the part where we have to dismount and they were not kidding - a good 100-150 feet of walking. I pick my bike up, CX style, but I can't run because of the mud and my Speedplay cleats. I go under a tree and a low-lying branch hits my rear bottle cage - sending one of my bottles straight into the red clay - mouth piece down. Great. Some girl says, "that's going to be tasty later".
Back on the bike and all you can do is ride. I actually felt good - despite all the chip seal and new payment they laid the night before to cover all the potholes. It's obvious they did a half-ass job on the new black top - I felt like my fillings were going to fall out of my teeth!
Heading back to the lake and aside from a tightness in my right hip, and the usual fatigue, I feel okay. Oh, yeah, it's still raining.
Official Bike Split: 2:58 (one minute slower than last year)
Into T2 and, I don't know why, but I take my sweet time. 3:12 - which is like, a lifetime. I take the time to wring out my socks, turn my shoes upside down, put my nutrition in my pockets. Even a day later, and I have no idea why I thought it would be a good idea to take my time in transition.
Onto the run and I'm feeling pretty good. I took my Garmin with me for the first time ever in a race, so that I could pace myself. I have a problem of going out too fast and dying at the end. I did it again here today - even with the Garmin.
I get to the first aid station and get some water and, "what's this? they have pickles!" They're cut up into one inch pieces and I take one and keep going. I'm feeling fine until about mile 4 and I ask for some coke to settle my stomach which is getting a little gurgly. Pace has finally settled where I want it to be and I'm heading back to the turn around. Second loop and I'm okay - until I decide to have ANOTHER pickle! Of course, it was AFTER the second pickle that I think my stomach troubles are due to the pickles. HA! I get to mile 11 and I'm in a bad place. My pace is slowing but I'm still on time to PR - not by much, but a I can still pull it off. Until I get two miles to the finish and I feel like I'm about to EXPLODE (ala JH at Oceanside). So I hit the Port-O-John and hang out there for a couple of minutes. I feel better but I'm spent and the last two miles are just about survival and making it home.
Official Run Split: 2:12 (4 minutes slower than last year)
2009 Total Time: 5:49
2008 Total Time: 5:44
AG place 10/23 (I still came in 10th! crazy!)
At first, I was a little upset that I didn't PR, but then I thought - I wasn't even sure I wanted to do this race! My head was not in it, the weather was crappy and I got sick - DUH! OF course it's going to go poorly.
But considering these things, especially my mental state, I still did pretty darn well! 4-5 minutes slower in a 70.3 is not the same thing as being 4-5 minutes slower in a Sprint or Oly.
Halfs are really hard for me for some reason. This past spring, I was talking to a friend about it. I don't remember what the context was, but something he said really hit me - "maybe 70.3's aren't for you". When he said that, I was really offended. I was kinda shocked - and this was BEFORE I did Kansas. I won't say that he's right, but they are not my thing NOW.
I have a LOT to work on. Running is the biggest thing. Everyone knows I can't run. I fall apart. Confidence is another thing I need to work on. BIG TIME. But ya know, confidence isn't something you can fake. And it takes time. You have to learn so many lessons, have so many experiences, before you can truly be confident.
I have a lot to let go of too. This year, this summer, was particularly difficult. I had work crap and some personal crap that was affecting my focus. It seems as though the things that were causing me stress earlier, are settling down and this fall will certainly be a time of relaxation and reflection.
I looked at the schedule for this week. There's nothing on it. In fact, I was told that it was okay to take the entire week off. I don't know how I feel about that. Funny because I really wanted to take the whole week off until I actually was told that I could take the whole week off.
Today is strange. I wanted so badly for the season to be over and now it is. I'm energized by all the possibilities that the extra time off will afford me, but also feeling a little lost...like, where do I go from here? What am I supposed to do now?
Crazy. I know.
So here's where the story ends. Another year, more lessons learned. (A LOT more than I'm including in this post). The next two months will certainly be about relaxation and reflection - so that next year can be the best season yet!!!
